Last Remnant: After Goodbye
by Ryuchan21
Summary: About a year after the Remnants Disappeared David is a mere shell of who he was, doing what a leader should without truly living. However a visitor comes to Athlum after being gone and seeks out David for a long awaited reunion.
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue**_

_There was a time when our world relied on the power of Remnants. These entities, if bound to a person, could bring about the flourish of a civilization and if left unbound could cause a collapse that would ravage the land. People relied on them, so much that many times people wondered if war would come about, Lords and Ladies of high social standing would call upon their Remnants and do war, leaving endless destruction in their wake. I was one of these lords, relying so greatly on the power of the Remnants I seemed to forget the greatest strength is in the people themselves. It wasn't till I met him that I understood that. At first his simplemindedness made me wish to use the hidden power in him, but that power was just a small part of what made him special. In being near him I began to understand my own strengths...and weaknesses. I didn't realize how important he was in making me who I was 'til I watched him leave. In a matter of moments all I had relied upon, all I had thought meant power and freedom for my people, my country, took away that bright hope that had filled my heart. I hate Remnants. For all the strength we believe they gave they took away our lives, ending many before they reached barely a middle age. Don't worry, he told me. People will find a way. I believed him, I still do but...Rush, what about me? How do I live? How do I find a way to forget you, to live a life without Remnants when, if I could have, I'd have offered my life in exchange for yours? Remnant? Human? Both? It doesn't matter, nothing matters. I got what I wanted. I have obtained freedom for my people, independence that my father and his father before him dreamed for, but at what price? I would forever remember that day the Remnants scattered to the winds, leaving a glittering mass and empty holes in their place. It was beautiful but so sad because each time I saw one snuff out I remembered that last smile you gave us; that last look, unafraid, unwavering, and unforgettable._

_**Chapter 1:**_

"Lord David, an envoy from Elysion is here to speak with you." Torgal's dark eyes stared at the blond at the throne. Though they country had flourished, though the people rejoiced his lord sat quietly, smiling for them though it was sad. He'd known the boy since he was a mere babe but even still he could not find words to console him. It was never his strength. All he could do was support him as he brought Athlum to greatness, even if inside he was very cold and empty.

"Hm? Oh yes, I will meet with them immediately." He stood, walking down to the balcony where he saw the whole of Athlum. Once the Valeria Heart towered overhead, a Remnant that had protected them, now it all rested on him. _We'll be all right, Rush._ That was what he said and as promised he would ensure they would be. Descending down to the meeting hall he heard Torgal's steps behind him. He would do all he could to protect his people, to uphold his promises but still he did wonder had he done something differently, said something differently, would he be walking down these steps alone with only the sound of footsteps behind him?

Emmy looked up. "Ah, Lord David." She bowed, enthusiastic as ever. She had grown up much the past year since that last battle. She had become more confident, having won plenty of challenges to uphold the Honeywell name. She would have made her mother proud.

He smiled at her as he passed.

She watched Torgal walk by, staring at the back of her Lord. Though she knew David since they were kids it didn't take much to see he felt burdened by a sadness. Even Blocter complained about it, worried about Lord David like a doting big brother, and Emmy the coddling sister. She only wished she could say something, but every time she tried she knew her words would not help. Well it had only been a year, perhaps with a little more time he would be able to let go. Walking down the hall she saw the garden her mother used to tend, smiling at the violet flowers blooming all around. "Hey, Rush, do you think that Lord David will be okay?" She murmured. "Of course, after all you'd never of left if you didn't believe he would be." She smiled and proceeded into town to make her rounds. She did her best to uphold order, making sure the town was as peaceful as it had been in the days of her mother, more so in fact. Without Remnants the need for war had dimmed and people began to focus on living rather then power. Yes, It would be all right, she would keep smiling.

It hadn't been an easy journey. Traveling to the mainland from Eulam had been somewhat awkward since he was trying to keep his identity hidden. Of course after the great battle many whispers of the heroes who had defeated the Conqueror, destroyed the remnants and brought about a great peace in all the kingdoms was traveling fast and he didn't want any word reaching Athlum till he was there. Entering the city he traveled the streets, brown eyes gazing up at the castle. He knew it well, had been inside the main hall many times, staring out the balcony at the town he was now in the center of. Now, to find a way to sneak back in.

Emmy walked through the market place in the town square, eyeing the vendors and smiling.

"Lady Emma!"

Turning she blinked. Many called her by her actual name but to the others she was just Emmy. She smiled. "Yes?"

The young boy handed a note. "I was told to give this to you, my lady."

"A letter?" She opened it, staring at the words and a sudden pang in her chest made it constrict. "Who...who gave you this?" She muttered.

The boy shook his head. "I'm not sure he just said it was important."

Nodding she took off, heading for Virtus Parish near the tavern. This could all be a lie a trick but she had to be sure. If it was a lie she'd kill the bastard who thought it would be funny. Should Lord David hear this and get his hopes up only to have them smashed she would never forgive herself. Heading down the street she looked around, eyeing anyone who seemed unfamiliar.

"Greetings, oh beautiful young maiden."

She stiffened. That voice. That stupid term he'd used when they were mere acquaintances. She turned, seeing a figure in the alley and walked into it. The man was cloaked and she couldn't see his face, couldn't be sure till he looked up and smiled. Her eyes went wide as she gasped. "RUS...mphf."

"Shhh." He covered her mouth, pushing back the hood to show his face completely. "I don't want anyone to know I'm here yet." He whispered.

She nodded and swallowed as he took his hand away. "Oh thank the god emperor you're safe. You...how did you get here?"

"I walked, well, took a boat from Eulam to the mainland but more or less walked." He smiled.

She smiled brightly at him. No doubt about it, this was Rush. It was a split second more when she punched him in the arm.

"Ow, what'd you do that for?" He rubbed his arm, wincing.

"You had me worried sick. And not just me, everyone was so worried. Lord David has been a mess." She felt like she might cry. The hope, that happiness she prayed for was here again and Lord David wouldn't have to be so sad anymore.

The brunette shook his arm. "Oh Dave," His voice changed tones, sounding a little regretful, "How is he?"

"Awful." She said bluntly. "He does everything a Lord should but he's so sad. Rush, he's so upset, has been since we walked out of the ark gate. He...he blames himself for you disappearing."

Rush nodded, giving a heavy sigh. "I was worried about that." He muttered. "hey, Emmy, can you take me to him?" He looked at her, pulling the hood back over his head. "I want to see him first before the others know. I need to talk to him."

She nodded. "Of course, you know I'd help." She smiled knowingly, having always sensed something but not dare speaking a word. Of course whether things would be settled was in the air. She turned. "Leave it to me."

Rush smiled. "I knew I could trust you." Actually Emmy was the only one he could trust to keep her mouth shut. She was, well, she had hinted once that she understood Rush's feelings. Of course back then they'd been so caught up in saving the world that he hadn't thought he'd have no time left till he realized he had to destroy the remnants. Had he been given more time, maybe he could have at least told Dave that...that he...oh he'd do it now.

They walked through town, Rush close behind Emmy with his head down. They got some stares but since Emmy didn't seemed unnerved they ignored the odd figure following her. Heading into the castle she wondered where Lord David would be. Seeing Torgal she told Rush to hang back. "Torgal? Do you know where Lord David is, has he finished his meeting with the envoy?"

The Sovani turned to her. "Yes, just now. He's in the gardens." He said calmly, cat-like eyes looking at Rush and raising a dark brow. "Who is your friend?" he seemed mildly concerned not liking that this stranger hid his face.

Emmy smiled. "Oh just an old aquaintance. Thank you." She moved along, pushing rush past the Sovani. "Let's hurry." She muttered, the pair moving to the gardens.

Torgal was suspicious and hoped Emmy wasn't trying some strange way to cheer Lord David up. He should go check. Sighing he followed them.

Seeing the garden she saw the young Lord, staring at the flowers. She smiled at Rush and held up a finger for silence. "Lord David?" She called.

David raised his head, having been staring at the flowers, recalling many conversations he had here, many moments he treasured. "Yes? Emmy?" He looked at her. She seemed rather cheery today though he knew that she tended to try and be very happy around him. He only wished he could return such a bright smile to her. He noticed the figure behind her.

Looking at him, Emmy tried to think of the best way to say this. "There is someone that I think you need to see." She finally said, glancing back at Rush, whose identity was still concealed from her Lord.

David glanced at the man. "Someone I should meet."

Reaching up, Rush grabbed the ends of the hood, lifting it up and back, smiling at the blond.

Eyes widening he felt the world stop, his heart pounding. There was so much in that moment that shouldn't be but...but...

"Hey Dave." Rush said smiling. He stared back at the other man, so much in that gaze, so similar to the last seconds they'd seen each other.

"Rush?" He murmured in disbelief, struggling to think, trying to get a hold of himself but his knees felt weak, chest tight and head spinning. Rush? RUSH?

"RUSH!" Blocter barreled into the boy, destroying the whole moment in an instant.

Emmy wanted to curse, having been sliding out of the scene till that bumbling Yama mucked it all up.

Blocter blubbered, holding onto the boy. "Rush, I thought you were dead, but it's really you, right...right?"

Pagus came up behind them. "A maid said she thought she saw you and as we came to confirm it, and it seems she was right." He smiled, his old heart feeling happy that the rumor had been true. He didn't think any of them could take it if it were a lie.

"Hey, Blocter. Hey Pagus." He patted the Yama's arm as he looked down at the small Qsiti. "Long time no see."

Emmy saw Lord David shrink back, that moment where he might have forgotten himself gone. He had reined it in and now stood smiling. "It's good to have you back Rush." He said.

"Uh..yeah." Rush looked at him, a hint of disappointment in his tone. "I'm sorry I worried everyone.

"Master Rush?" Torgal had seen the commotion and was worried but to see the boy again, he actually smiled a little. "I'm am glad to see you are well."

"Hey Torgal." Rush laughed, trying to say hi to them all though he glanced at Dave. So much for his surprising reunion.

"Rush, how did you make it back? I thought you disappeared with the rest of the Remnants." Blocter asked finally pulling away.

"Yes, for you to be here is indeed surprising and almost impossible." Pagus drawled.

"It's a long story." Rush said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well you can tell us at dinner. I'll have a feast prepared to celebrate your return." David smiled, nodding to them all. His smile was much brighter now, the change in his mood obvious all even if another part of him was still subdued. "I'll have it arranged. Torgal?"

"As you wish." Torgal bowed and set off to spread the word.

"You don't have to go through a bunch of trouble for me." He laughed, looking at David.

"Nonsense. To have such an important friend return to us, there's no better cause for celebration." He patted his back, pulling away a bit too quickly. "Why don't you get rested and cleaned up and we'll see you in the dining hall in a few hours?"

"Uh...yeah." Rush smirked watching as Dave walked by. Damn.

Emmy sighed, elbowing Blocter in the side once David had gone. "You idiot."

"Ow, Emmy why'd you do that?" The Yama yelped.

"Because you're an idiot. Rush wanted to see Lord David before everyone else, alone." She added.

"Huh...oh...." Blocter looked at Rush. "Sorry, Rush. I was just so happy to see you alive."

"It's fine." Rush held up a hand. "I'll...I'll get to talk to him later." Yeah, he had later.

The news spread fast through Athlum and many came to the castle trying to catch a glimpse of Rush wondering if it were true. He hid in his room pacing as he dressed for dinner. Emmy had brought him a change of clothes, but even looking better now didn't help the nervous feelings he had. Dave was happy to see him yeah but it was so hard to really see how happy with everyone around. Well, he'd just have to make time for them to be alone tonight. Heading down to dinner he was greeted by everyone again the talk of what had happened after they'd parted the goings on of the world.

"That reminds me, Rush, how did you manage to make it back?" Pagus asked, his frog-like eyes blinking. "I was sure you had disappeared with the remnants."

"As did I, as did we all." Torgal said looking curious, for a Sovani.

Rush paused thinking, his eyes going to David before he scratched his face. "um...well it's kinda complicated..." he said.

"What difference does it make?" Emmy said. "He's back and we're all together again, that's all that matters, right?" She winked at him.

"Indeed." David said with a smile, looking at Rush. "All that matters is that you are among your friends again, Rush."

He smiled, nodding and eating his meal. It wasn't like he didn't want to say but he had some things to talk about with Dave before the others knew.

After dinner Torgal retreated to make sure the guards were switched out, Emmy dragged Blocter away, swaying she needed help with things so the bumbling idiot wouldn't get in the way of things. Pagus went to bed, or more to his study to go over the various spouts of information he collected. This left David and Rush alone.

He swung his arms back and forth a bit fidgeting. "So...what's new?" He smiled.

David looked at him and smirked. "Nothing really, same as always." He glanced down the hallway. "Shall we take a walk, I'd like to hear more about your journey here?"

"Yeah, that works." He followed, falling into step beside him. As they walked he took a deep breath. "Actually, Dave, there was something I wanted to talk with you about. "

"Oh? What?" The blond glanced at him his demeanor calm as always. If Rush hadn't known him so well he would have missed how the other's gait slowed, his jaw stiffening a little. David was holding back as usual but then again he was a ruler of an independent nation, he couldn't let his guard slip so easily.

"It's about...well a lot of things." He looked over, seeing the garden coming up and they pair walked into it a place they normally spoke. "Wow, this place really doesn't change." He smiled.

"No, I kept it the same." David said quietly, his green eyes glancing to the other man. "Rush, how did you get back?" He finally asked, voice steady.

"Irina." He said. "And my mom, and," he laughed. "The conqueror. All of them helped me get back." He looked at him. "We gathered the energy we could and using the power of the Marshalls and the Wardens of the Remnants I was able to come back but,"

"But?" David titled his head.

"I'm no longer a remnant nor do I have any powers." He shrugged. "I'm just a normal guy now."

David let out a faint sigh having been afraid there would be a limit to their reunion or something much worse. "Well I think that's acceptable." He grinned, walking past him near the flowerbed. "I happen to like just the "regular guy" you are."

"Yeah?" Rush smiled and walked up beside him. "That's good cause there's something else." He'd spent a good portion of his trip here thinking about what he wanted to say. However, first things first.

"Rush?" The blond stared at him curiously and maybe for a moment there was a hint of something else behind his eyes.

"I'm sorry I made you cry." He said finally. "When I left I, all I could think was I had to protect everyone, had to protect Irina, my family and you, all of Athlum really."  
David seemed at a loss, staring before turning away. "Well, of course. It's fine, Rush."

"Is it?" He said stepping toward him. He could cross the line, see what happened but even he was a bit wary. There was a lot unspoken here, a lot he could be imagining but, "You called my name, after I left."

"How did...?" He looked at him and the blush was there, the slight rattled look of the usually calm lord.

"Just cause I wasn't there didn't mean I was wiped from existence." He smiled and took his hand. "I hesitated before, quite a few times cause I didn't want you to know. If I wasn't a remnant, if I were normal, would you still need me? It was weird worrying about it, ya know?"

"Rush." David stared at their joined hands like he wasn't sure what to do.

"Up until we fought the Conqueror I still believed I'd get to go back with all of you but at the end all I knew was that I had to do it. There wasn't much time to,"

"Time to what?" David asked a bit hastily, stepping near him.

Words usually escaped him at the crucial points and he was left tongue tied, looking up at David. "Time to..." Well this could go either good or bad and he was hoping for the first as he stepped closer, tugging David near him. Wrapping his arms around him he hugged him, really hugged him. Caught up in war, in so many things he'd put this off but all along he felt closer to David than anyone. At first it was friendship but something changed along the way, and he found that the dear friend he made was so much more to him.

David stiffened a bit, surprised by the embrace but slowly he reached up, wrapping his arms around Rush and leaning against him. Closing his eyes he felt the other's heartbeat on his chest. What did this mean? Was it just a continuation of their heartfelt reunion that had been interrupted earlier? Was it more?

"I'm not really good at these sorts of things." He murmured. "I know that at first it wasn't like this but I...you are very important to me, the most important thing to me."

The sounds of the night that had been so ever present before were quiet now replaced by the beat of his heart and Rush's voice. What did he say? Hadn't Rush once told him that Irina was his most important thing? "Rush, but..."

"All I could think after I left was finding a way back here, back to you." He responded, squeezing him tighter. "I know you don't really let your guard down and I could be way off base but," He tilted his head pressing it into the blonde's hair. It made him shiver, an intimate action he had dreamed about, thought about many times. "It means something to you, doesn't it? Me being back?"

His throat was dry; he couldn't find words. Struggling a moment he found his voice. "Of course it means something to me Rush." He finally choked out. "I...watching you go away was my greatest regret from that time." He gripped him tighter. "I...I kept wondering what if I had done more. What if I'd known, could I have stopped it."

He smiled at that. "Well, I'm here now?" he pulled away, looking at him. "I'm not going anywhere this time."  
He smiled. "I should hope not." He muttered; voice a bit strained. His head was spinning. This was probably the closest they had ever been but for some reason he felt scared still. He wanted to press back against him; to seek that intimacy he told himself to stay away from during the war. He believed he'd have plenty of time later to bring it up, to slowly find the right moment. He now had that time but not a clue what to do.

As if seeing the confusion Rush let him go. "Hey, don't worry, we have time." He laughed. "After all I just got back today, so you're probably still shocked.

He flushed a bit and laughed. "Yes, yes that still has me a bit...frazzled." he looked away but he so wished Rush had let go. "It's late." He said finally. "We should get to bed." He looked at him, shyness in his gaze.

Rush blinked his body a bit warm till he understood the words. "Oh...oh you mean our own rooms..." He laughed nervously.

"What?" David looked at him then his eyes widened a bit as he caught on. "Oh...yes. Yes our _own separate_ rooms." He corrected and fidgeted. Oh my, he was making a bit of a fool of himself. "Yes, see still frazzled."

"Yeah." Rush smiled. "Well then...I guess." He didn't want to say good night but maybe it was best. He said what he needed to, tonight anyways. "Goodnight, Dave." He smiled.

David couldn't help but smile back, despite his mind spinning with a billion questions, ideas and hopes. "Goodnight, Rush." He nodded and stepped back, turning with all the strength he had and heading off to his room.

Rush ran his fingers through his hair, giving a heavy sigh and sitting down on the nearby bench. "Wow, that was harder than I thought it's be." He muttered. He'd taken the first step. Now Irina couldn't get mad at him. She's grilled him about being chicken, but he had every right to. "Gah." He leaned back staring up at the stars. He should have kissed him. No, no that was bit too fast. He wanted to let Dave think about it. However, as he sat and tried to cool down he recalled that faint scent of his hair, how warm he felt near him. "Oh man." He muttered.

Passing several servants on the way back to his room he smiled and nodded. However, once in his room he sagged back against the door, reaching up to cover his heart. It was still pounding; he was still shaking. He hadn't been prepared for that. Rush was always like that, so straightforward. If only he could have said what he wanted to back but it was all so much to take in. He had almost decided to let him go, to try and live on and then he showed up. Sighing he slid to the floor, just trying to breathe. Rush said he came back for him? It was a flattering thought, and he knew the other wasn't lying but it was...he could take it many ways. The embrace was still so fresh in his mind, the warmth the slight tension of Rush's shoulders as he spoke. He smiled. "Capable Lord, huh?" He muttered. "I'm not even sure I can handle one boy." Of course rush was different, very different. The young man had completely thrown his whole world out of alignment the moment he showed up. He thought it a nice change really. Dressing for bed he couldn't stop from replaying the whole day. It kept him up all night and before he realized the sun had risen and it was day.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Exhausted, David left his room, going about his usual duties along with needing to go over proposals and treaties. He stifled a yawn, blinking a bit. He didn't have time to ask where Rush was, wondering if he was still sleeping. Half of him wanted to check on him and the other felt it would only set his turmoil writhing again. He was so confused about many things, many emotions he thought he had a better hold of. It wasn't that he wasn't happy about having Rush back but now he could not stop himself from feeling like he was seconds from losing his composure. Last night, even if it was merely words, a small embrace, it had set his heart twisting inside him. This feeling he'd stifled was threatening to break out, but as the Lord of a free kingdom now he was more restricted in ways, wasn't he? This feeling he had could not truly take shape because if it did then he…  
"Lord David." Emmy walked over, seeing him just standing in the middle of the hallway. "Are you feeling ill?" she asked, though she could see the hint of worry on his face.

"Uh…no, no I am fine." He said, not realizing he had stopped moving. This truly was complicated. "I didn't sleep well last night." He said, moving again.  
"You didn't?" Emmy said, though her expression was a questioning one. Had Rush made his move, had they been together last night? Then again this was Lord David. She knew him since he was a child, knew he tended to carry burdens on him all alone, forgetting he could rely on them. He had that similar look now. "Lord David, if I may speak casually a moment?" She asked, walking with him.

"Of course." He said.  
"Master Rush has finally returned to us after so long, and do not think most of us failed to notice the shock his loss put you in." she said. "I just…I know you worry about appearances, but don't think we will think less of you if you let your guard down around him a little. I…I know he means much to you."  
Was he so very obvious? He blushed just a little. "I...of course, he is a dear friend." He said.

"That is not to what I am referring, David." She said casually. "You know that it isn't. I've known you since we were young and…"  
"Lady Emmy." Torgal saw them, walking over calmly. "Lord David, the messenger from Royotia has arrived to discuss the trade route." He said.

"Yes, I shall see to it. Emmy, perhaps we can finish this conversation later." He smiled at her and left.  
Emmy sighed. "David." She grumbled.

"Lady Emmy, please do not be so casual in public." He said flatly.

"Torgal…." She sighed. "Can't you see it at all, or is it merely the Sovani you are that chooses to ignore it?" She had trouble at times with him. Then again she still had much to learn, a long way to go before she was as suitable a general as her mother.

Torgal looked at her in his calm manner but then a very short and faint sigh left him. "It is not our concern."  
"But it is." She argued. "Lord David has always had to watch his every step, to appease everyone and now that he has someone he cares so much for he struggles with being selfish for once…"  
"Lady Emmy, he is an adult and a capable ruler. He will figure it out for himself in time." It was pointless to intervene in these matters. Though Mitra lived short lives they usually figured these sorts of things out.

"We're his friends, Torgal." Emmy said. "First and foremost we are the ones who support him as friends AND as generals. Our opinions matter to him…"

"Then what would you have us do?" He interrupted her.

"Let him know you will support him in any decisions even if it is not what the rest of society would want." She said.

"You are referring to Master Rush." He stated, not questioning it. "I have been among the Mitra long enough to know that should Lord David act on his personal feelings it may cause some backlash." Still she did make a point. They had to support him and after all he had given for this kingdom… "I shall…try and speak with him later on." He said.

She smiled. "Thank you, Torgal." She nodded and turned to go on to her duties. Lord David deserved happiness and if that meant being with Master Rush then she would support him in any way. On her way to see to the troops' training she saw someone in the garden. Peaking closer she recognized the messy brown hair. "Rush?"

He turned, "Oo, hey, Emmy." He smiled widely.

She walked closer. Was he… "What are you doing, playing in the dirt?"

"Huh…oh…" he rubbed the back of his neck. "It just looked a little…um overgrown and I know how much it means to Dave so I was just pulling some weeds and stuff." He laughed sheepishly. Actually he was trying to keep himself busy. Last night he'd taken a huge step, but he knew very well Dave was a lord of his own kingdom, had duties and he was…well, he knew very well he would mess that up if he acted on his feelings.

"Oh….yes, he has been a bit busy." She said. He'd also been unable to think about things pertaining to Rush without looking miserable. "These are the same flowers that grow on the island you grew up on, right?' she asked, walking over and kneeling down.

"Yeah." He said. "These flowers are special." He said with a faint sigh.

"Rush…don't think too hard, you'll hurt yourself." She said, ruffling his hair playfully.

"Hey…." He flinched but smirked. "Heh, I guess so." He muttered.

"You should just barrel on through like you always do, don't let silly things stop you." She insisted. "I'm on your side."

"Thanks." He bit his lip though "Uh….Emmy?"

"Hm?"

"Dave…did he seem happy I was back? I wonder if maybe it would have been easier if I didn't come back here." Then maybe they could have let these feelings die away.

"Don't ever say that." She said. "He may not look it now but before he seemed so empty inside. You…you brought life back to him, to this place. Even me. " She smiled. "If it matters so much to you then don't be afraid to grasp it. That's what you taught me."

"I think this is a little more…deep though." He laughed.

"Yes but…oh, I'll just say it. If you love him then don't give up." There. She said it. "Rush, don't let him run away either. You know he's stubborn and hides away what he truly feels to everyone except you most of the time."

He went red. No one had really said it out loud before. "I…it's complicated though, right?" He fumbled over his words a bit, looking away. "If I…if we…then the kingdom who expects him to marry and have heirs like any normal lord will be disappointed. He may lose everything because of me."

She sighed. "I know but I…I think he's proven himself enough. After everything, after all we've done, I believe his people will stand by him." She had to believe in the people. Perhaps the other lords would be wary for some time, perhaps shun him till they grew to understand but surely someday…

"Maybe….Dave doesn't feel the same way at all." He said. "It's bothered me since I got back. The whole way here I thought, "Maybe it's better to be gone. Maybe he doesn't want this. Maybe I read everything wrong." Things like that."

"Do you really believe that?" She asked. She knew David felt something, she knew Rush saw it too. "You talked after dinner, right?"

"Yes, but…gah I'm no good at this. I want to do like always and act how I feel but I…it's harder this time." He'd changed a little since first coming here, meeting Dave. He thought he'd have time to figure it out then, suddenly, he had to leave. He'd left Dave behind and now he just showed back up like it was nothing. What if Dave was bitter he'd left? No, no he wasn't like that. "AH!" He felt a sharp blow to the back of his head and Emmy pulled her hand away that had struck him. "What was that for?"

"For thinking too hard." She said, standing up. "I swear I can't seem to keep my composure with you. It's not very proper of me to act this way but, you relax people, Rush." She smiled. "You're a dear friend to me and I know that you can open Lord David's heart, make him happy. So just be yourself."

He rubbed his head. "Yeah, guess so, huh?" He got up and had to smile at her. She knew what it was like to try and live up to people's expectations. She had the burden of the Honeywell name yet she spoke her mind. They'd talked a lot about trying to be someone they weren't. Back then he'd told her she just needed to be Emmy Honeywell and not her mother. "Thanks, Emmy." He should just take it a step at a time. They'd overcome so much already that they could overcome this too.

She patted his back. "I have to go, have fun weeding." She winked, feeling good about their talk. She just knew they could do this.

David sat on the balcony looking over Athlum. For years his father fought for their independence, and now here he stood, completing his father's dream, the dream he himself wanted. So long he'd battled for it that fulfilling it made him wonder if he had neglected his own wishes. As a Lord he knew his duties, knew what was expected of him and he was fine with that, at least until now. Had he been a normal person, one of lower status then it wouldn't be so hard to feel like this.

"You look as though you find the sight painful today." Torgal said, walking beside him. His talk with Emmy had made his own observations of the situation become nagging things in the back of his mind.

"Is that how it appears?" He asked back, knowing it was the truth. It wasn't that he hated the kingdom now but it made this burden a lot heavier to bear.

He watched him. "Lord David, you have given your all to the kingdom, fulfilling the wish of your family, fulfilling the people's wishes." He put two hands on the railing, keeping the others crossed at his waist. "There is not a person here who would question your pride and loyalty to this kingdom."

He swallowed hard.

"Still, I will tell you this, living a selfless life, though admirable, is impossible." He looked at him. "I have lived a long time, watched lords rise and fall. Even the most noble had moments of selfishness but that does not mean they were grave sins. It taught me that though your kind lives short lives, living your life for yourself as well as others is what an admirable life is."

"Torgal?" It had been some time since Torgal had given him a life lecture.

"Though you have given everything to your people you have neglected yourself." He said. "It may be out of line to say but the others as well as myself do not find that acceptable."

"What?"

"If you desire something then for once I suggest you be selfish, my Lord." He nodded.

"About what?" He said, not wanting to admit it to him, to let everyone know when he hadn't decided yet what path to take.

His eyes narrowed. "About Master Rush." Seeing David's cheeks redden he knew he was right. "You are worried about propriety and image, but to constantly worry about it, to stay in line all the time is impossible. You will never live long enough to master it, even I have not," Which was very true given the fact that he was here discussing this with him now. A Sovani knew that you did not busy yourself in affairs unrelated to you.

"Torgal, but I…"  
"No, you have but two options. As a lord you must make a decision."

"Only two options?" He muttered, furrowing his brow.

"Yes, there is no middle ground in this. To sit and wait for things to fester, to not act will lead you to one or the other eventually with or without your consent." He spoke sternly to him. "You must choose."

"Between?" He looked at him.

"You either act on your feelings, take the risk of the backlash for the relationship you seek with Rush or you send him away and break all contact. Those are your only options."

Send Rush away? Never speak to him again? "Why break all contact….surely I can…"

Torgal shook his head. "To have him near to speak to him will only throw your heart into further chaos. You must break the tie and let your feelings fall away or give into them. Those are your only options for a future that you can decide." It was a simple matter. Human emotions would complicate things. Lord David had to forget them entirely or give into them; it was that or he'd be eaten alive by their strength.

He was stunned. Forget Rush? No, no he could never do such a thing. There was no light, no nothing without him. Still if he just knew he existed somewhere then could he live with that? Being truly selfish? He didn't know if he could. He didn't know if he could put the future of his kingdom on the line for…

"What point is there to getting your wish if it makes you so miserable?" Torgal said as if understanding the confusion he felt. "It will do you no good to be completely selfless. No one will know truly all you sacrificed. It will not make you better in their eyes because they will not know what it is you gave up. If they did you would still receive the same possibility of being looked down on as if you chose the other option."

He gripped the railing a little harder. He had been following his father's dream so long he forgot that he had no dream of his own, no personal desire he wanted more than anything, that mattered only to him. "I…understand." he said. "I understand what you mean, Torgal. To find the path to the middle ground I must make a decision."

Torgal did something he rarely did and gave the faintest hint of a smile. He had practically raised him, watched him grow and mature, and for the first time in months there was a determination in his young Lord's eyes. "Then I have nothing more to say on the matter. If you'll excuse me." He bowed, turning to leave.

David stood there a moment longer. How free was his kingdom if he was not free to have the one thing he truly desired? Pushing off the railing he turned, heading down from the main hall to the gardens. He heard Rush had been in the gardens all day thus it was the first place he checked. He was not disappointed, seeing Rush standing and wiping his brow, a pile of weeds at his feet. Had he been gardening? "Rush?"

The brunette turned, seeing him and smiled in that familiar carefree way. "Hey, had a free moment?"

"Yes." He managed a smile though his nerves were on edge. "You've been busy it seems." He gestured to the weeds.

"Huh, oh well, I mean, this is an important garden, right? Your mom and Emma so I…I thought it needed a bit of love." He fidgeted a bit.

"Of course…" He probably looked just as awkward. They hadn't spoken since last night. Yes, last night when Rush had, for the first time, embraced him. Such a simple gesture and it was all he could do not to feel a little lightheaded. He walked over, sitting on the bench. "I suppose being here was the only place I wanted to be and the most painful." He said.

Silently Rush walked over and sat beside him. "I think I can understand." He murmured.

"I spent so long, working for the dreams of my father, of my family and people. I don't…" He paused, tilting his head a bit as he looked around, "Remember how I told you that I wondered if I would even be able to rule, that I felt the burdens I would have to carry, being bound to a remnant, living such a short life under the hold of another kingdom?"

"Yeah." Rush nodded, tilting his head. "But now you don't have to. You got everything you wished for, Dave, a free kingdom, Remnants no longer needing to be used, a full life. You have it all now." He laughed.

"No, I…I don't." He said, staring at the ground. "I realize now that though they were my dreams it was because I was fulfilling the dreams I inherited from others. My dreams, my own private yearnings, I never thought about them."

He paused. "So….like you never had a dream that was yours alone?" He had dreamed a lot of things, it never occurred to him there was others who never had them.

David nodded. "I spent my life thus far living for everyone else, sacrificing what I wanted for the sake of others. I have never let myself have what I truly wanted." He sighed, shaking a bit. This was so very difficult.

Rush couldn't quite understand where this was coming from, or perhaps he didn't want to assume. Still he listened, seeing the blonde shaking a little. Taking a deep breath he reached over, covering David's hand with his own. "Dave." He murmured. The man gave up so much for everyone, for him, for his family, for Athlum. Perhaps even he was a burden. "Dave, if…if I'm in the way I…I can go. I'll leave if you want me to." He said somberly. He had to be causing Dave to worry like this or at least part of it, right?

He looked at him. "Rush?" Leave? No, no he didn't want that.

"Yeah, I mean I'm not gonna be happy about it, but if I'm a complication I'll just go back home. I can help dad and mom and all that…"

"Rush, no…." He turned his hand under Rush's so he could hold it, squeezing it. "I don't want that. I…I don't want you to ever go away again." He said, his chest tightening."You have always seemed to put me at ease. The world seems brighter with you in it."

Rush raised his brows in surprise, swallowing hard as he listened to him.

"This whole time, though my dreams were realized they weren't truly what I wanted. I…well, they were, yet I felt such regret as if I managed to do what everyone needed yet lost what I wanted."

"Dave?"

"I lost you, I watched you go away, sacrifice yourself for me, for my dreams when they just felt empty without you. What good was it to fight so hard and yet have no one to share the joy of victory with? I hated myself for feeling like this, for feeling bitter at everyone else's happiness…."

"Dave…" Rush leaned closer, reaching up and making the blonde face him. He'd never seen him go off like that, to just rant and lose his composure entirely. Even when he was at his wits end he always managed to hang onto some sense of himself and never go too far.

David stared at Rush, his eyes revealing a lot more than he ever meant to say right now.

He saw it, and it put a knot in his gut. His heart gave a loud thud and he leaned forward, just acting on his own reckless behavior and finally crossing the line.

It wasn't like anything he'd ever experienced. He felt warmth against his mouth, the faint tingle of breathing against him and his eyes widened in surprise. Rush? The kiss wasn't meant to happen then; he had wanted to just talk it over with him but now that he felt it, now that he knew for sure that Rush felt the same, he couldn't stop himself from closing his eyes and leaning into it. It was a simple kiss, just their lips touching but he refused to break contact. When Rush tilted his head he did the same, pressing closer, heart racing as the faintest murmur of a sigh escaped him. He felt their lips lock more firmly, a tinge of wetness from his mouth that made him flush and heat swell within every limb.

Rush finally pulled back but his hand on David's cheek remained, his thumb stroking the warm sunkissed skin. Hazy eyes stared at the blonde, and the look David had on his face made Rush bite his lip. "Sorry…" He whispered.

"Uh…." He went red, his senses coming back a little and he pulled away just slightly. "No, I…I mean…." He hadn't a clue what to say or do. Rush had kissed him, he had kissed back and now he felt like his heart would explode. "No, don't be sorry." He looked away but the sensation of the kiss was still on his lips and he only flushed more.

"Geez, you can't look like that, Dave." Rush sighed and yanked him close, hugging him. "You can't say crap like that and look like that and expect me to not do anything." He muttered. He hadn't any self control as it was. Patience was never his strong suit.

"I…my apologies." David said but the embrace was so calming and he leaned against him, closing his eyes. "I…I don't know what to do." He whispered.

"About what?" He asked, looking at him. "About this, about the kingdom?"

"Both." He admitted. "I…know what I want to do but if it's the right decision I…I don't know." Why couldn't his life have been a simple one? What if he'd grown up on that secluded island with Rush, away from all this?

"What do you want to do?" Rush asked. "Cause I know what I would do but then again I'm me and don't think too far ahead." He laughed.

He managed a small chuckle. "That's true, but I truly…adore that about you." He said and sat upright out of that warm embrace. "What I want is…you." He bit his lip, appearing so fragile right then. "I...I can't explain it, nor can I think how it will work but I want it to."

"Then let's try." Rush said and took his hand. "Let's give it a shot, Dave. If you are okay with a simple guy like me then I don't see the problem."

"The kingdom…" he started.

"Will have to learn to deal with it." He said. "I was fine with going away if you didn't want me around, if you couldn't return my feelings but hearing this, I can't back down or walk away."

"But Rush, this is hardly orthodox…"

"Ortho…whatever that is or not I can't let you sit around and regret the choices you made. I care too much about you." He sighed. "I came back because I couldn't get you out of my head. You screaming my name echoed in my head over and over. I just wanted so badly to get back here and see you, see you smile and laugh."

How could he say it so easily? Rush always said exactly what he needed to hear, what he wanted to say himself.

"Now that I am back and have seen you like this there's no way I'm ever leaving you behind again. It hurt too much the first time."

"Rush…" He closed his eyes and fell against him. "I wish I were as bold as you. It frightens me to feel like this at times."

"Same here." Rush said. "It scares me to death because I…I want to matter so much to you, and it's selfish and all but...dammit, Dave, can't you be selfish yourself for once so I'm not the only one who feels like a jerk here?" He had a little bit of a laugh to his voice though he did sound scared.

David closed his eyes again. "I…I want to be with you, Rush. I never understood it till you were gone. At that second my heart broke into a million pieces and I didn't realize how many pieces were missing till you brought them all back."

He smiled at that, holding him tighter. "Now who's being bold?" He teased but his cheeks went a little red. It was enough of a reason to stay. Sure he had no clue how much trouble this would cause but Dave deserved happiness and if he could give that to him he'd do it.

David was called away by a servant, the pair blushing a bit, since they had been cuddling closely before she arrived. "I'll see you later then." He murmured, not looking at him out of embarrassment.

Rush nodded, letting him go but he was much more aware of his absence now. Before his desires, when it was just a thought, it was easier to deal with. Now that he'd held him, kissed him that need was growing. "Geez." He sighed, resting his head in his hands. What should he do? He had sounded confident but he now wondered if they should take it slow, get people used to the idea, and what about the others? Emmy would support them but what about Torgal, Pagus and Blocter? Would they think it was wrong, reckless? Would they care? It was a lot to think about, and his head hurt. The kingdom's eyes were just too much right now. Maybe they should go off somewhere together….no but Dave had so many duties and stuff….gah. He scratched his head. Maybe if he talked to Emmy or Torgal he could figure something out. Making up his mind he got up, trying to find anyone who could help him work out Dave's schedule. Just a day, maybe two to be alone with him, and he could try and get him to open up more, give in to what he really wanted. Emmy seemed to be busy so when he found Torgal he tried to be as subtle as possible.

Of course as soon as he started the Sovani looked at Rush as if he were transparent. "Lord David has been very busy." He said. "To take a vacation would be most unwise."

Rush sighed. He should have known.

"In most cases, that is." Torgal then added. "Still Lord David has been very busy, working day and night so perhaps a vacation can help with his health. It certainly is a viable excuse that no one would raise question to."

Rush stared at Torgal in surprise and then caught on. "Oh, right….yeah after all this is about his health. We can't have him getting sick or fatigued or something."

Torgal nodded. "Then I leave his health in your hands, Master Rush. I'll make the arrangements."

He smiled. "Thanks Torgal." He then decided to head into town and get a few things.

The Sovani sighed. So far he had done a lot of things lately he never did. He shouldn't get involved but he was worried about Lord David and he knew very well this was truly about his health in the end. His Lord had done much in the last few months but unless he gained that happiness he had lost before he would wither away like his father, but in a different way than having a remnant steal your life.

Seeing to a few emissaries from the other kingdoms he tried to stay focused, though if he had a free moment he started thinking about Rush. It was so complicated. The fact was he had gained romantic feelings for another boy, but was it truly so awful. Though it seemed pointless from a diplomatic standpoint he felt as if he had worked for it. He wanted that happiness that he'd worked to get, had fought and sacrificed for. If he didn't have Rush then all this had no meaning. That was why he'd been so lost, so saddened before.

"Lord David, I have seen to it that your schedule has been freed up for your trip." Emmy said, having spent a long while getting the word out and holding off on any travelers coming in to meet with him or at least giving them lodging while they waited. "You should be able to rest at ease on your trip."

He paused. "What? Trip?" When had this come up?

She seemed confused. "Yes, Torgal said you would be taking a few days leave due to your health with Master Rush…I…did you not know?" Torgal made it sound as if Lord David himself had gave the order but was this….she wanted to smile. She would have to re-evaluate her opinion of Torgal. He was not like any Sovani she'd ever met.

"No, no one told me about this." He said, but somehow putting it together made him pause. Rush had…they were going away somewhere? Together? Alone? "I don't know if now is the best time." He muttered. Though, a part of him was bursting with happiness at the idea.

"Of course, your health is important and that's the official reason for the trip." Emmy smiled. "All arrangements have been made so please enjoy yourself and relax a little, Lord David."

He couldn't remember the last time they'd taken a break, he'd taken a break. "I will try." He nodded. He had to get packed, prepare to leave though he hadn't a clue where they were going. Leaving for his room he wondered how long they'd be gone for.

A couple of servants were leaving his room, bowing. "Lord David, we took care of the preparations. You are ready to leave whenever you chose. Please have a safe journey."

He paused. "Um…thank you." Had they taken care of everything?

"Hey," A familiar voice called to him. Rush walked over, passing the servants. "Surprise." He smiled.

"Did you set this up?" he asked, still a little dazed. It was as if he was being swept away.

Giving a sheepish grin, Rush scratched his head. "Well, I mean, I thought maybe some time alone would be good. We can figure stuff out and all without worrying about others."

He blinked, wide eyed at the idea of this really being some romantic escape and nodded. "Yes, of course. That's…a very good idea." He said frazzled. It was still a lot to take in. Just earlier he managed to say what he really felt and now…

Rush stepped toward him, looking down the hall before leaning close. "Can we talk in your room?" he whispered.

His cheeks darkened. "Of course." He said a little quickly, turning to go into his room, seeing the packed bags.

The dark haired boy shut the door, walking up to David and wrapping his arms around the back of him. "I hope this is okay?" he muttered.

He went red, heart racing. "Of course…." He said but felt nervous. They were really alone for once and it would be so easy to let himself lose control. "It's a little surprising but I suppose it's a good idea, given that we can't really talk as freely with everyone around."

"That's what I thought and…I," he swallowed hard, holding him tighter. "Sorry, is this okay?" He asked, referring to the embrace.

"Yes." He murmured. "I hardly think you need to ask now."

"True." He muttered and turned him, staring at him. "I just kinda feel like I'm pushing things and you might not want to…" he trailed off. Dave was so reserved he felt worried this was stepping out of line.

Blinking, David went red, for once totally losing all his composure. "I don't think I complained before…" he started before feeling the mouth on his and the groan that left him made his stomach flutter. Had he made that sound?

Rush wrapped his arms around him, not really able to embrace him during the first kiss. Firmly he held a hand to Dave's back, finger tips whitening he was gripping so hard. His other hand slid up into the blonde's hair, feeling the silky strands between his fingers, massaging the nape of his neck gently as he leaned into the kiss.

This was much more intense than before and he couldn't seem to keep up. "R...rush…mmmm." When he tried to speak the other slipped his tongue into his mouth and it was so jarring his knees buckled.

He felt Dave sag and held him up, breaking away from the kiss. "Are you alright?" He asked, seeing the startled look on his face. Uh-oh. Had he gone too far? He had just been so caught up he wasn't thinking.

His head spun and he stared at him. "I….I don't know." Somehow that kiss did a whole lot of other things to him and he wasn't sure he could handle it all just yet. "I…." His eyes gazed at Rush, focused on his mouth.

Rush just blinked and helped him stand. "You…..you can't look at me like that." He said, taking a step away, going red.

"What? Why….?" He was a bit confused but the look on the others face made him blush. "Oh...sorry."

"No, don't be I just…um…Let me just finish with a few things and we'll head out, okay?" He swallowed hard. "I…um…get a little rest." He turned and left, walking very quickly down the hall. He had about lost in then and there. Seeing Dave look like that, he had urges he never realized could get so bad. No, he was going to take this slow and they'd just deal with things as they came up. Gah, but it was so hard to hold back. He thought just kissing could be enough for now but Dave's reactions were just so…so…so cute!

He sat on his bed, still dazed. That kiss, no that wasn't a kiss, it was an assault on his senses. He felt it right down to his toes it was so extreme. Swallowing hard he had to try and think but it was almost impossible. He was going away, alone with Rush and if he had been so undone by a kiss he didn't know if he could survive things if it became any more intense. He sighed and fell back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't felt anything like this for some time, this lively feeling inside. Sitting back up he checked to see if he had everything just in case and waited for Rush. Since it was just the two of them they were going on foot, though he still wasn't sure where they were going.

Rush arrived back a couple hours later with his things, smiling in that carefree manner of his. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yes." He took his things, following him out though he felt silly. It was as if he were a child again, just following the other around.

"So, when I asked for a good place to go Emmy told me they have a little inn resort at Fornstrand now since the monsters don't come around much anymore." Rush said with a smile. "I hope that's alright."

"Yes, that sounds fine." He said, realizing it was a very secluded area and they wouldn't be bothered, which only reminded him that this was a getaway for them to be completely alone together. It wouldn't take long to walk, half the day perhaps but then they'd be alone together.

Rush went quiet for a moment as they walked, staring at the ground. "Was this a bad idea?" he asked.

"What? Why would you…?" David jumped.

"You're doing it again." Rush said. "Acting all….well, closed up."

He stared at the ground as they walked. "I...forgive me. I'm still not sure how to act. I'm out of practice it seems." He smiled wryly.

Rush sighed and looped and arm over his shoulders. "Why, is smiling so hard?" he asked. "You know you still haven't really shown me how happy you are to have me back. I was pretty bummed about that proper reception you gave me."

David looked at him surprised. "But we talked later and I….I was happy to see you again, you know I was…"

The other boy laughed. "I know, I'm just teasing." He said, leaning closer. "Just relax, alright. It's just you and me for a couple days and we can talk and act however we want, kay?"

Staring at him he couldn't help but smile. Rush was like a bright sun and no matter what he did, as long as he had the boy around, he'd never be in that cold, dark world again. "Yes." He said, leaning against him, forgetting himself as they laughed and talked all the way to the coast. It was the most carefree moment he'd had in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

He stretched, staring out at the ocean from the window. "This is the best." Rush practically purred as he opened the window and felt the breeze.

David smiled but his gaze fell to the single bed in the room. His mind wandered a little before he heard his name. "What?"

"I said, want to go down to the beach for a while?" Rush raised a brow, a smirk on his lips. "This is a vacation after all and you're supposed to be resting up."

The blonde nodded. "Yes, that's true...the beach sounds like a fine idea." For some reason though the journey here was carefree he suddenly felt awkward alone here. They would be staying here a couple days, able to talk and laugh and do anything without many eyes on them. The idea was both exciting and terribly frightening. He could be more free here but if he allowed himself to let go would it be too hard to go back to the way he was? Following Rush they walked down to the shore, seeing the sun overhead on its downward descent into the sea. It wasn't often he got to relax like this. The last time he'd been here was with Rush. He'd come to visit the resting place of that girl; his first love, the first person who believed in him. Even now he wished she could have seen how successful he'd been, so her trust and hope wouldn't have been in vain. Still Rush was a lot like her in ways and also very different. He was one of the few people who seemed to understand him without meaning too.

"Come on, Dave, let's go." Rush took his hand.

"What are we doing?" He blinked, yanked down closer to the water.

"Here, take off your boots." He kicked off his own shoes and was rolling up his pant legs.

"Rush?" David flushed, not really getting it. "You can't mean…it's probably freezing."

"So?" Rush grinned, and reached to unlace David's boots. "You gotta live a little. Come on, we're on vacation." He tugged off one of David's boots, seeing the blonde stumbled and held him up. "Careful."

The other man was a bit speechless but reached to undo his other boot, slipping it off, and shedding his coat. "We're really just going to walk through the water?"

"What's wrong, you allergic to it?" Rush teased, walking into it. It was cold but felt nice and he felt the soft sand shift between his toes.

David sighed but he had a small smile on his face and rolled up his own pants. "I haven't done this since I was a small child." He muttered, walking into the water and shivering.

"It's nice, huh?" Rush grinned, walking closer.

He was staring at the water, seeing how clear it was as he nodded. "Yes, it is…it's freezing though." He laughed weakly, looking up at Rush. "Still I suppose doing this every once in a while is a good thing. I feel years younger right now."

The other boy nodded then stared out at the sky. "I wish I could help you." He muttered. "I…I don't really get all the politics stuff. Even now I don't really get how much just your actions affect everyone. Maybe," He sighed. "Maybe that's why I can be so gung-ho about this."

David swallowed. "Well, one of us needs to." He sighed. "I didn't think I would be such a coward about this." He kicked at the water. "I thought that being a ruler, fighting in countless battles; I could handle something like my emotions."

"Dave." Walking through the water, Rush placed his hands on the other boy's arms. "You know, why not just forget it all for now?"

"I wish I could but…"

"Please." Rush whispered, staring at him. "Please try; please don't worry about everything for just a couple days."

It was hard to argue with that and David fell silent for a moment. "I…Rush…I…." He was silenced yet again when Rush yanked him close and covered his lips again. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to this. With the cold water at their feet the touch of their lips together was like fire and all he could do was gasp and groan in surprise and pleasure. Even if he should have seen it coming it was a surprise, the jolt that went from his lips down his back, the heat inside him that made his cheeks flush. All of it was a surprise. His skin even tingled wherever he felt Rush's hands rest on him, and those fingers in his hair made him dizzy all over again. "Rush...w...wait…." He shuddered, wanting to collapse.

"Not till you stop worrying." He muttered against his mouth, pressing closer.

He was sure he'd faint from it all, at least till he tried to regain his footing a bit and his foot slipped, forcing him to fall back. It was almost like slow motion and before he could cry out there was a loud splash.

"Ah…c…cold." Rush shuddered, lifting off him a bit. He was soaked and the slight breeze sent a chill through him. "You okay?"

David lifted up but the water was up to his waist and he shivered. "Y…yeah. L…let's…go back…." He chattered.

"Here." Rush said a bit breathless, helping him up. Unable to help himself he wrapped his arms around David. The other still felt warm despite the chilled skin. He wanted to keep holding him.

"Rush, we need to get back." David whispered but he couldn't pull away. Something about this was so wonderful. Maybe he should just let go for a while, otherwise he might not ever know how badly he wanted this and end up losing it all.

"Right." Rush pulled back, taking his hand and helping him from the water, getting their shoes and going back to the inn.

They stared at the single bath. "Um…you can go first." Rush offered, going a little pink.

"Are you sure? You might catch cold." David looked at him, just as red. He was shivering but they both couldn't take a bath and…

"It's fine, I mean we can't have you of all people getting sick so...uh…go ahead. I'll just be in the other room." Rush hurried to the door, but his eyes wandered and boy did they wander. The wet clothes stuck to David a lot and he managed to see more of his form that was usually hidden under clothing. He found his cheeks going hot and swallowed the lump in his throat. Leaving the room, he struggled a little with himself. He shouldn't do something rash at this point but…no, no he should just calm down. He paced a bit by the window, but his mind always went back to David.

He sank into the water, bringing his knees close. He knew Rush wouldn't just run in here but he felt slightly insecure. It was easy to forget they would be staying here a couple days, sleeping in the same room, no distractions at all. Just Rush and himself, alone, free to do what they pleased. His cheeks burned and he pressed his forehead to his knees. Why, why couldn't he keep his mind off it? Was it because it was completely possible, possible they could lose themselves in their feelings? There was no one to object right now. So many times, before everything came to a rather regretful end resulting in Rush disappearing, he had imagined so many possibilities. If they won could he keep Rush by his side? Could he let himself fall deeper into this warm and chaotic feeling in his heart? He hadn't been aware you could feel like this, he thought he'd be able to deal with love like everything else. It was such a tender, delicate feeling; it stung and made you bleed as fiercely as any blade. He'd felt the painful ache of losing that one important person, and the intense happiness of getting them back. The water settled around him, and though it warmed his freezing skin his mind continued to dwell on the simple fact that his feelings for Rush were so far beyond anything he had experienced he was truly lost to it. He sat lost in his thoughts a long while before getting up, drying himself off slowly before dressing in a simple pair of pants and shirt. How was he supposed to be able to relax when just the feeling itself sent his mind reeling? He stepped into the bedroom, seeing Rush by the window. "I'm done if you want your turn, Rush." He said, hair still a little damp. He couldn't look completely at him. When the other boy turned to him he felt his chest grow tight. It was getting dark outside and the only light in the room was a single lamp.

"Oh, thanks, I'll try and be quick." He said with a smile, walking up to him.

He should have simply let him pass him to the bathroom where he could bathe, but, by some odd twist of fate, he grabbed his arm. He stared at the floor but his eyes couldn't focus, all he knew was he somehow didn't want Rush to leave him alone any longer.

"Dave?" Rush titled his head.

"You're cold." He murmured, feeling the chill of his skin. "I'm sorry I took so long. You must be freezing." He was just regurgitating politeness he had practiced for so long. It covered up the inner selfishness he carried. By all proper thought he should let Rush go get warmed up but…  
"It's not a big deal…Dave, are you alright?" He turned, shifting a little closer to him.

He felt his body brush against him, that cold chill that seemed to battle against his overheated skin. "No." he said, gritting his teeth. "No, I'm not alright, I'm not." He murmured and looked at him. Rush, Rush was that light he'd been missing. He didn't want to be alone anymore; he didn't want to feel like he did all this for nothing. Rush was what made him feel like it was worth it. Just once he wanted to be selfish, to forget everything else for a moment and be selfish.

"Dave?" Rush's brown eyes stared into David's, his hand reaching to brush damp hair from the blonde's cheek.

"Don't leave me alone." He said without thinking. "Please...stay with me…" he came closer, his hands pressed to Rush's chest, feeling the body under his clothes. If he let go, if he let himself just feel this feeling, give into it, would the aching in his chest get better or worse? "If you're cold just stay close to me." He said.

The brunette went beat red, those words seemingly so innocent but held a very astounding possibility. "You are really warm?" He said, looping his arms around him. "Almost too warm…" Had David realize the look he was giving the other boy he might have been embarrassed. Rush felt like he couldn't back away, couldn't do anything but give the blonde what he wanted.

David trembled, realizing what his body wanted, and what Rush's expression told him the other wanted. "Rush…" He ran a hand up his body, along over his shoulder, along the side of his neck and into the boy's soft brown hair. His eyes followed the path of his hand but stopped when he saw the other's mouth, recalling the kiss, the flurry of excitement that built within him at the memory those lips brought to him. He leaned in close as his eyes began to fall shut. Just…forget everything except this feeling. Forget the world tonight.

Rush leaned in, their mouths brushing together softly. It was the first time the other had kissed him and it was indeed all he dreamed. Gasping a little he pulled David close to him, holding his warm body against him.

David felt the familiar dizziness set in, the rush of sensations through every limb. Even as his legs wobbled he felt himself sag against Rush, but unlike before he didn't break away, Rush didn't break away. He wasn't even aware he made a noise till the sound settled in the air above them, a deep moan that bubble up from the pit of his stomach.

Rush held him tighter, gasping against his lips. "Dave…." Warm, soft hands moved over David's back, moving along the curve of his spine sparking tingles.

He almost moaned again but he was breathless and held on tighter, arching against him, and then they were moving. His legs were taking steps back, urged on by the momentum of the other. "Rush…."

"Don't stop me….please…" Rush panted, pushing him back till the bed stopped them and he gave the blonde one last shove to cause them to tumble onto it.

He broke the kiss to gasp when his back slammed against the soft mattress. His blue eyes stared darkly up at Rush, but he couldn't seem to find it in himself to be afraid any longer. "Is…this happening?" he murmured quietly.

"Yes…." Rush reached up to lace their fingers together. "Yes, it is….it is…." He kissed him again, groaning himself this time.

A year ago this might have terrified him, even a few days ago, but now he couldn't bare to stop it. Those hands, that mouth, wherever Rush touched him he felt like a fire burned inside. The heat that swelled in him was almost uncontrollable as if it had finally been awakened. "Rush…." He jumped when a cool hand slipped under his shirt. He was touching him, his hands were on him. "Ah….." he squeezed his eyes shut, trembling under the touch.

Shifting, Rush leaned over him, watching the other's face. "David." He called, using his name correctly.

He opened his eyes, staring up at him a little surprised. However the other boy only looked back at him a moment, the silence so heavy he thought he'd be crushed by it.

Rush leaned in, brushing this noses together. "David Nassau…" He murmured. "I never got to tell you before, I was afraid to say it." His voice was so quiet that a person might have strained to hear him but the gentle hum of his voice was deafening to the blonde. "I wanted to tell you for so long that I…love you...I love you…"

He wanted to cry, to wrap his arms around him but his voice, his body was frozen, just staring at the other boy. No, no he had to tell him, to explain…. "Rush, I…as well, I…" Oh god he couldn't manage the words at all.

Rush smiled. "I know." He said softly, reaching up to tease his hair. "You don't have to tell me."

"But I do." David insisted, and did finally manage to wrap his arms around him. "I love you. I love you so much, I can't…I don't know how I lived without you. I…I wanted to die, everything meant nothing without you." He couldn't stop. He wanted to tell Rush everything, every secret thought and desire. Everything he felt.

The other boy swallowed the lump in his throat, holding the blonde close. "I…I wanted to get back to you as soon as I could." He murmured. "I…wanted this chance….to love you. I...I can't even managed to think straight half the time or grow up but I wanted to get back to you, Dave."

He squeezed his arms tighter, shaking.

"It's just you and me now though." Rush whispered in his ear. "Tonight…"

"Yes." He nodded, leaning back on the bed. "Tonight…" He smiled.

How does one fall in love? Is there a method? Is there some rule about the perfect match or is it circumstantial? He wondered how many lovers felt like this, this embarrassment, this excitement as his hands pushed away clothing, revealing naked skin underneath. He leaned up, his shirt falling down around him, and Rush's hands moving along the curves of his shoulders and arms. They didn't speak, their eyes too busy reveling in the sights before them. He could tell Rush was just as nervous but the desire in them spurned them on. David bit his lip as he watched Rush slid his fingers inside the band of his pants, tugging them down. Fingertips brushed along his hips, but it was the feel of cool air on his skin, his naked skin that made him shudder. Rush took such care in slipping the garment off his legs and he shifting against him, not sure he felt confident enough in himself to hold the other's interest.

Rush just smiled at him, that warm, soft smile and cupped his face, kissing David deeply.

His guard dropped and he reached for Rush, wanting to undress him completely, to have nothing between them even if he couldn't understand it. He fumbled a little, his finger clumsily pushing the fabric from the other's hips.

Rush couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't make fun…" he murmured, looking up, face red.

"I...can't help it." Rush said, his voice a little raspy. "You're so cute…"

"I'm scared out of my mind." He argued. "This is so…ah!" he was pushed back on the bed.

"Me too." The other said. "I don't even think I know what I'm doing…but…I love you…and I…I want to do this…to make love…no matter how bad we are at it the first time."

Oh by all the powers that be he felt so much more naked now and his face burned a bright red. "Rush…."

"Look at me." He whispered. "Look at me, Dave…." His hands trailed down his chest slowly.

"I am looking at…..oh!" His eyes went wide and he jumped, reaching up to grab the other's arm. "Rush…wait...wait…"

"No, no more waiting. No more putting things off…"

"Oh…Rush…I…ah." He wanted to scream but all that came out were moans. Those hands touching his sensitive, overheated flesh…no one had ever touched him before and he could only claw at the sheets.

"Is…that okay?' Rush asked, not having a clue if the other was enjoying it since David looked like he was in pain…or maybe it was pleasure…or both.

"Yes, yes it's….oh…." He started to pant, breathing heavier. He didn't think he could feel anymore but this was totally new. He snuck a glance at where the other boy was touching and immediately closed them. He was so embarrassed and full of shame but it was surprisingly a good feeling. "Rush….Rush….."

Rush leaned over him, capturing his lips; basking in the kiss as his hand tensed and slipped along David. "I love you…..Dave….."

"Don't…stop…." He'd die if Rush did and he both twisted and writhed under the other.

"I won't..." Rush promised, pressing close to him.

It was like an explosion of sensations, and he saw white, crying out loudly and jerking against Rush. The sparks of pleasure followed by the aftershocks of almost numbness and heat seemed to calm him enough. "Rush…." He reached up, tangling his fingers in the brunette's hair. "Don't stop…"

Rush was probably at wits end. Had David no clue what he was doing to him? He hadn't a clue what to do but he couldn't stop, not with the other asking him like that. "Gotcha…" he panted, thinking quick before sucking on his fingers. "Just relax…I don't want to hurt you."

He nodded weakly, feeling a hand move along his inner thigh, a little sensitive. This time the hand moved lower, and he cried out when he felt the tension.

"It's okay." Rush breathed in his ear. His hand felt around, feeling the area before pushing against the tense, warmth he sought. "I won't hurt you…" he said though, he wasn't sure he could manage it without having ever done this before. However, David seemed to believe him and relaxed enough for him to push the digit in, gasping at the heat.

David was beside himself in mortification, never having felt so exposed in his life. "Rush…I'm scared…."

"Me too…does it hurt?"  
' "No….no it doesn't but…your finger…."

"I'm aware of where it is." He said, looking at him. They stared at each other a moment before both seemed to laugh nervously. "Oh geez….this isn't the time for this…."

"No...no, it isn't." David agreed. "Not while you're in the middle of stealing my virtue." He flushed.

"You're making this worse for me…." Rush huffed but wasn't about to stop, his hand shifting and pushing deeper inside him.

"AH!" David's eyes fell shut and he trembled. "Oh…Rush…ngh…" He lost all composure, this feeling very different from before. He felt like he was being broken apart and the movements, as they got more intense and rhythmic, only made him want to shake more in need. He arched off the bed, groaning even when rush brushed their lips together. He could feel where the other touched, knew that at some point he was opening his body wider but his mind couldn't fathom the mechanics of it. It was pain and pleasure, shame and happiness. He wanted to scream to grab hold of him and beg him to stop yet to keep going.

"Almost..." Rush breathed against his lips.

"Rush…." He whimpered, feeling the other's touch leave him. "What...what are you…?"

"Ready?" He looked down at the blonde scared, his brown eyes so dark and warm looking.

He stared back, dazed at first before he understood. "Uh…yes…yes." He looped his arms around his neck, pulling him close.

"I'll go slow…" Rush's voice was a little husky from the heavy breathing, or maybe he was straining so much to not cry out like David was.

David felt his body close and when the heat rose in him and he felt the slightly uncomfortable entry and groaned. "Rush….oh….." He couldn't stop himself and raked his blunt nails over the other's back, moaning.

"Dave…" Rush gasped, leaning close and then he settled against him. "Oh…wow…"

He gulped, feeling him, feeling him inside him, the connection, the beautiful amazing feeling of their bodies intertwined. He held on tighter. "Rush…I'm…alright…move."

"I love you." Rush murmured, shifting his hips. As he began to move more fluidly he breathed the words again.

David closed his eyes a moment, feeling the sting of tears, the tenseness of his throat as they welled up. This was what he wanted. This was why he had done it all. He wanted to share such a moment with the person he loved. He whimpered the declaration back, rocking against him. When his body began to tense more, the fire in him uncontrollable he gripped the bed, crying out loudly. He was sure he heard Rush's cry but his body felt like it was flying and the world was quiet. How fortunate to finally experience such a thing with the one he loved.

Shaking Rush pressed against him, slumping over. He struggled to breathe. Normally he should have been excited to finally have experienced this, to no longer be an innocent in the ways of having a lover but all he could think of was; Dave was finally his. He smiled, nuzzling his ear. "Dave…"

The laugh to his voice was apparent and David smiled back. "Let's...stay like this…just for a while." He wrapped his arms around him, closing his eyes.

When the sun came up, gracing the room with new light a pair lay rumpled in bed, tangled amongst blankets and each other. They saw the light come in but neither wanted to move. "Well, not bad for the first day." Rush smirked.

"I…don't know if I couldn't take something even more spectacular than that." David said, looking at him.

Rush sat up. "Really I…was kinda hoping we could do that again." He laughed before a pillow was smacked in his face.

"We didn't get any sleep as it is." He huffed playfully.

"You expect me to sleep with you looking like that?" Rush said, sitting up, staring at him. "Especially when you ask me to bed so sweetly." He laughed again when the blonde went red.

"I…did no such thing." He muttered flustered. "I…just asked you…"

"You asked me if I was cold to warm myself with your body heat…more or less." He grinned. "I know I'm pretty dense but…even I would get that."

David flopped back on the bed, pulling the covers over his face. Thinking back he might have appeared as such to Rush last night. Goodness he could barely fathom it. They hadn't really slept yet, dozing a bit, cuddling, kissing, touching. They had explored and spoken everything wish they had and yet it felt like a dream.

"Dave?" Rush tugged back the covers, staring down at him. "What's wrong?"

He stared at him. "Nothing." He shook his head. "Nothing now; I merely hope that this is not something fleeting."

"Huh" He titled his head. "You mean like, something that'll pass? Not likely. You're stuck with me for good and if you say no, I'll…throw a tantrum or something. Plus you took my virginity so as a proper lord you have to take responsibility." He laughed.

He had to crack a smile at that. "I…suppose I do." He reached up to tease his hair. "I am so glad you came back to me. It's…as if time stopped moving for that whole time you were away. I felt like I forgot how to live and then you showed up in the garden and smiled at me."

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to…well hug you and just blurt it all out then and there." He scratched his hand, tangling his fingers with David's in his hair. He brought the slender hand to his lips, kissing them. This was nice, this was perfect. "Now you won't be able to stop me."

David nodded, however the real world came back to him. He wanted to be with Rush but would the world allow it. If he was with him then…then what did that mean for Athlum? He wouldn't bother with it now. For the next couple days he was to be with Rush and pretend this was all they had, all they needed.


End file.
